Not Meant to be Pretty

Not Meant to be Pretty – Struggling with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

This is very difficult for me to post, so I ask that negative comments please be limited to photography critiques.

This is a photo I have been planning for around two years—I’m not sure what prompted me to finally shoot it, but here it is.
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Those of you that have read my journal know that I have something called PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome. It is a genetic endocrine disorder that causes the body to have insulin resistance and increased levels of testosterone due to cysts on the ovaries. As a result, women who have it suffer from rapid, unstoppable weight gain around the mid section, hips, and thighs, are more at risk for depression and anxiety attacks, are prone to severe migraines, irregular heart rate, and type 2 diabetes, along with a ninety percent chance of infertility…and the list goes on an on. [link]

This disorder went undiagnosed in me through two and a half years and seven doctors in two states. I was told all my problems stemmed from being fat, lazy, and depressed and that I should just go on anti-depressant medication so I would stop bothering the doctors.

So I went on anti-depressant medication and it made me angry and suicidal. What did my doctor write in my health chart? "Patient is responding well to medication..."

If the physical scars and stretch marks aren't hard enough to live with, the mental scars from not being believed and being invisible for more than two years will take a very long time to heal.

That is what this photo is meant to portray, the physical, emotional, and mental scars that occur from living with PCOS. I have I built up tremendous anger toward my body. I feel betrayed by my genetics…I feel stripped of my womanhood…I feel I am not meant to ever be pretty again…